Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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