But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
