wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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