Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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