Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
