just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
