hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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