apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
