sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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