i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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