You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Randomize
