I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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