I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just cut my nipple shaving
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
