So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
