Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
