I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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