Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
