It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
