Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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