I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
third nipple confirmed
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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