Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
is that a dick in a sweater?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
