hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
