i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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