I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
