Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
