Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
