Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
