I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
