I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Floor bacon is actually really good
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
