I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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