I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
