What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
