I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
