I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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