if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
