Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
