Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
