I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
