I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
