Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
