I am puke
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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