I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
