Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
