did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
