Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
