it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
