he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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