I want to make a zoo with you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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