meet me or not, i'm out of control
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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