If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
