Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
