what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
