i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
